Very often, when Mr. Honey gets home from work, I am so glad to see him that I forget to ask or tell him important things. This has been going on for years, so when I have something important, I tend to call him at work and tell him.
When I get him on the phone I generally forget all but the first thing I need to ask or tell him. I will say, "There was something else... I can't remember what I was going to tell you!"
And he will say hopefully, "That you love me?"
Now. That comment has always bothered me for some reason, and made me feel guilty in addition, as if I wasn't going to say "I love you" at the end of the call. And when I feel guilty about not doing something I was already going to do, I become irritated. But I have always ignored the irritation because it's such a silly little thing. I never even mentioned it to Mr. Honey. And we have continued on with this script, until today.
Today I did my typical, "I can't remember what I was going to tell you," and he said, "That you love me?" and something clicked for me. I realized why it bothered me.
So I said, "No, that is not it. I do love you, but my love for you is never the 'something else'. It is ever-present. I am loving you so hard that it supercedes all this other stuff we have to talk about and it is so brilliantly evident in my own mind that I never need to put it on a list of things to tell you. All of our conversations are about how much I love you-- it permeates everything. The words to tell it simply pop out at the end. In my mind, our love is the Main Something, and the other stuff I am obliged to discuss with you is just on the sidelines hoping to get some notice."
Of course he got all mushy.
(Okay, and I'll confess, for the sake of blogging honesty, that these are not the exact words I used to explain. This is the gist. I was so excited at the epiphany that I went on and on about it, and took tangents and such. He was interrupting me with his mushiness by the time I stopped for breath.)
(And isn't he sweet to put up with my frequent exclamatory epiphanies?)