I had all these good intentions of spending quality educational time together with Cornflower this summer. We were going to read poetry and essays and Shakespeare, practice dictation, do some writing, and finish the last four chapters of her biology textbook. So far, all we've done is kept up with biology. It's only mid-June, but I'm already thinking I may use my beautiful summer plans as a basis for our together work in the fall, and allow summer to be what it should be-- a relaxing of requirements so she can rest a bit. She's entering high school this fall. This may be her last restful summer for awhile.
I never feel like I do enough with Cornflower. She is my youngest, and I have this perpetual sense that she's gotten short shrift. When I'm thinking rationally, I'm pretty sure that is not the case-- at least not anymore. But the guilt has become a habit that is hard to shake.
She has been painting her room this week. She did some babysitting for a friend and earned some money which she used to buy paint in exactly the color she wanted. For the past five or six days, she's spent all her spare time thinking about her room and painting and arranging it.
And this is part of my insanity. This girl has been painting her room all week and I'm fretting that we haven't read Shakespeare. She is making exciting strides in piano practice, and I'm upset that we aren't working on writing. She is volunteering at the library, and I'm sad we aren't having poetry teatime together.
The other day, I mentioned that it didn't look like we were going to follow the (beautifully laid-out and posted in the kitchen) summer schedule I had made. She said consolingly, "Yeah, I'm really sorry you went to so much trouble to plan out stuff we aren't going to do." Little stinker. ;)
So I've decided to switch gears and make new plans. I've been wandering the house this week like a lost soul, trying to figure out what to do whenever I'm not working in my music studio or tidying the house or making meals. Because I laid all these plans and we are not doing them and I don't feel right forcing them on my daughter.
Today is my day for starting over with new summer expectations. I can't keep wandering the house picking up odd socks and wondering what I'm supposed to be doing.
It's weird having almost-grown kids.